What Craig St. Jean is Eating

by Craig St. Jean (The Semantic, Volume 1, Issue 4)

I fancy myself something of a cheeseburger afficianado. Or, more largely, a low-culture connoisseur. In any case, years of refusing to expand my dietary palette resulted in me consuming a shit-ton of burgers which, even though I've grown to enjoy a much wider array of foods in recent times, clearly makes me qualified to tell you what's a good burger and what's not. So, in the interest of both imparting my wisdom on you hungry readers and expanding the spectrum of the Semantic's review section, I bring you the first (but hopefully not the only) installment of WHAT CRAIG ST. JEAN IS EATING.
So, to kick things off with a bang, I want to tell you about THE BEST BURGER I'VE EVER EATEN. This culinary marvel comes courtesy of Black and White Convenience, located downtown on the corner of Hillsborough and King. Y'know, it's one of those lunch counter places. I'm still impressed by the breadth of their menu, but when I shuffle up those stairs, there's only one thing on my mind. Like any lunch counter burger joint should, they offer the choice of a quarter-pounder or a half-pounder, but as any anyone who got excited by the sight of this article well knows, there's only one REAL choice.
So what makes Black and White's half-pounder the best burger ever? Let's start with the beef. For the sake of comparison, think about the shittiest burger you've ever had. What made it suck? I'll bet it had something to do with overcooked, dense beef. You don't get that at Black and White. What you get is that deliciously loose texture that only comes from the freshest ground beef. If you put the patty on your palm and balled your first, it'd crumble no problem. That's a good thing. I had a grillburger from Dairy Queen this summer that was a consummate chunk of coal. You'd need a hammer before that thing would crumble. The Black and White beef practically melts in your mouth.
But, as life changing as it may be, beef alone does not the best burger make. So what else puts it over the top? The bun. The bun is superb. It's not that it just holds its own against the beef's torrent of succulent grease--no. The bun itself is worthy of an entire column, but I've only got so many words to work with. Just know that this bun is THE BEST bun, and while I'm sure you can buy them from any grocer, it's the selection that counts. Other burger places don't make the same selection. Thus, other burger places fail.
I've mentioned the staples. You can't have a burger without beef and a bun. The Black and White half pounder wins on those merits alone. They know that if you get the basics right, you're good to go. A car with a shitty engine and leather seats is still going to make for a less than desirable vehicle. Same goes for burgers.